I finished my programming at TK this past Wednesday, the 12th. I "graduated," as it were. MOST EXPENSIVE GRADUATION EVER. Seriously, in the time I was there I could have paid for 3 years at Wesleyan.
For those of you new to my blog, I will tell you why I was IN rehab (rehab is easier than saying "residential treatment center" over and over). I am not an alcoholic, and I am not an addict. I don't drink anymore, and aside from a few disappointing romps with pot, I have never touched drugs. Most people think that that's all that rehab is, and so those most people are very quick to judge and make assumptions. WRONG! I was at Timberline Knolls for many reasons. First I'll rattle off the official psychomumbojumbo diagnoses. I suffer from major depressive disorder, type II bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder (this one explains a LOT), generalized anxiety disorder, self-injury, an "unspecified" eating disorder (aka bits and pieces of all the finer parts...), and post-traumatic stress disorder from over 20 years of physical, emotional and sexual abuse, as well as a brutal rape less than 2 years ago. So I hope that, for anyone who DID come here to judge me, you're thinking, "Oh shit, I'm a terrible human being." You're not terrible, just a flawed human. If you continue to judge me, well...I know that only my God can truly judge me, and have fun when he's judging you. :)
So that's that. I was residential at TK for 2 months. Then I did PHP there from home for 6 weeks. Home, however, was NOT an environment conducive to my recovery, so I then moved to Magnolia House (Mag), which is PHP but you live at a house near TK, so you have more structure and more support. I lived at Mag for 4 weeks. Home is STILL very far from "awesome," but I suppose I'm far more equipped to handle it now than I was 10 weeks ago. I start IOP tomorrow at Good Samaritan for 2 weeks, and I'll be back at work in 1-2 weeks. Life is comin', and it's comin' fast. I don't know, and I don't WANT to know, where I'd be if I hadn't been lucky enough to go to TK. I shudder to think of the alternative...
Anyway! So I thought I'd pick this thing up again as a type of recovery blog. I need to get back to this journaling thing, and I'm too lazy for manual writing, so here I am.
This blog is really interesting...it's amazing to look at all of my posts from the midst of depression/suicidal ideation. I don't want to think about those times, but I need to remind myself of where I was in order to see where I'm going.
To close...TK was the best decision I have ever made. EVER. I dropped almost ALL of my past friends right before I went in to treatment, and came OUT of treatment with the best friends I could ever have imagined. Friends who like ME. Not my car or my money or my people-pleasing codependent tendencies, but ME. Honestly, it's WEIRD. These people know EVERYTHING about me...and still want to be around me! BIZARRO. So, TK, thanks for the memories. I've finally gone a couple days without crying, yay! And I haven't called or texted Mark begging to let me come back since Thursday! I can't wait for alumni nights, where I get to see (almost) everyone I love so dearly. So to TK and everyone I met there: Thank you. I owe you my life.
God bless and good night.
And until next time, take care of yourselves...and each other!
