Saving Myself from Myself

So the idea of a book title came into my head, and now I must write a book. This is probably a pipe dream but maybe some day, when I'm super stable (it will come!) I'll compile some of these blog posts with a type of comical autobiography, somewhere near the self-help section (aww geez). It'll be called "How I Saved Myself From Myself." I like it! Effing meds make it so hard to blog at night cause when they set in it's like BOOM SLEEP, LET'S DO THIS. Suck it meds I'ma gonna plow on through. So I went to my first NAMI meeting in liiiike 6 months. It was a little anxiety-inducing. I had forgotten how most people are not in an optimistic place like me, and so hearing people's issues had me feeling for them, and brought up some pretty recent thoughts and feelings. But I was able to separate myself, and not let myself own someone else's issues, feeling like I must help them. Can't help anyone until you help yourself, and I'll be in that process for a long time. I'm dealing with it. Then went to Portillo's with a couple friends from the group, like old times, and just unloaded and got my anxiety down.
I start this DBT group on Monday, I'm pretty excited about it, a little nervous. I saw my therapist yesterday, she's so good. I unearthed the envelope full of Get Well cards crudely drawn on construction paper from my first hospitalization, from the "sisters" of SAI. It made me furious. Liz (the therapist) had a good idea. She told me to write a letter to the people who made my life a living hell and get all my feelings and anger on paper. Then to staple it to the envelope, and burn it. Safely of course. I think it's a fantastic idea, considering it was 4 years ago and I still harbor ALL this hate, anger and feelings of them ruining my life. Step by step, gotta get those past triggers of anger out of my life; because what are they now? Nothing. It happened, it's over, it's nothing. So why let it bring me down? Suck it bitches! :P
I'm a little nervous about going back to work...getting thrown back into it...no, throwing myself back into it, full time, right before the holidays. But I'd like to get a little money before Christmas to MAYBE have enough to buy at least my parents a present. I'll really have to utilize my coping skills and not let angry customers effect how I feel. This wonderful season really tens to bring out the worst in people, which is really sad, and they take it out on the low retail employees. Seriously, shop online, people! I don't need any grinches right before Christmas!
Anyway, trazodone is getting the best of me, and I think I've written enough.
Bonne nuit, tous le monde!