What's the haps

Had to take med leave to avoid being fired. Terrible day. School instructor was a total bitch. Worse day. Taking all my meds, but slipping deeper into suicidal depression. Already in it, but working my way into the tarpit, inescapable part of it. Not by choice. But when you're home alone with nothing to do all the time, what else is there to dwell on?
From time to time I have auditory hallucinations, and today after my parents left for dinner I was lying down, and was hearing all the sounds of a home invasion. Like, heavy footsteps walking and banging into things, those footsteps coming up the stairs and walking into other rooms, holding my breath so they wouldn't hear me. I was going to grab my phone to call 911, but A I wasn't sure it was real, and B part of me was reasonably excited that someone might burst in and kill me.
I just want to finish my finals so I can get my certification, and then once I die they can actually say I accomplished ONE thing in my life.
I'm just crying or sleeping all the time and it's all I have energy for. I have a party to look forward to on Saturday but at this point I'm like, who cares. I have no costume, all the ideas I have are too difficult/expensive, too overdone, or too stupid. Halloween was my favorite holiday of all time, and now I just wish it would pass.
Also, for one fucking occasion, I wish someone ELSE would invite ME somewhere. If I ever want to see anyone, I always have to make contact and sound desperate and pitiful. No one invites me out or invites me over, I've overstayed my welcome with my brother and his gf. It's obvious. I used to have friends. What the fuck happened to my life? I was always out, life of the party, having a blast. Now I haven't left my house in AGES except for doctor's appointments, class and, before last week, work. I have no one to do anything with because they've already done it. Or they're covering my stupid hours at work, which were undeservingly shoved at them. I'm just that annoying, I suppose. I see people writing "Miss you!" on each other's facebooks when they see each other almost every day. No one misses me. Hell, I wouldn't. What a downer. fml.

I'm feeling suicidal again. Hmm.

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No meds for another 2 days. Having nightmares. I am a terrifying force to be reckoned with. Will probably have to skip dinner with my brother and Vicky tomorrow.
At what point after hearing that I have not taken my meds, exactly, do you think it is appropriate or that I will be receptive to hearing your stupid bitching? Right. Idiots.