Trip Blog 2: "Palmetto bug is just a nice word for roach"

Today was HOT. Spent a few hours at the pool, napped. Had the greatest fresh seafood at Charlie's Reef Grill. Fresh calamari, shrimp, scallops and mahi mahi. MMMMM. That's about it. Visiting my dad's cousin by Lauderdale tomorrow. Watching Castle now :) Night loves!

Trip Blog 1

Hey all, writing to you from my ocean front balcony in West Palm Beach, Florida! First, my bit of good news: I got the promotion at work! Full time baby! Now, today. Fortunately my room is separated from my parents at the condo. UNfortunately it consists of 2 TWIN beds and that's it. I'm gonna fall out before this week is done. At least I get my own bathroom though! Woohoo! The flight was fantastic, as stressed as I was about flying alone it rocked. Breezed through security (with 2 lighters--GET ON THAT SHIT, O'HARE!), had an aisle seat but then NO one else in my row showed up so I had the whole row to myself. Moved to the window and slept through half the flight. Got in about 20 minutes early and had time for a smoke before my parents picked me up. Got in the resort and had late dinner around 9:30ish and a beer with my dad on the balcony. This morning, woke up around 10 EST, had some breakfast, and went to lay by the pool for a few hours. Used SPF 8 and STILL got color! But no burn so woohoo. Had a drink at the pool bar, went swimming, watched the Hawks lose (but it's ok they're in the playoffs, thanks Dallas!) and listened to my relaxing music. Then took a short nap, and we had dinner at Buongiorno, where I had Calamari and Scallops over linguine fra diavolo. DELICIOUS. Then got ice cream, took some pics of the unit, and here I am. Must go shower now and then bed time, gotta rest up for my full day on the beach! :-D Hahahaahahaha you suckers. Hope the storms back home aren't TOO bad!

Out here, on my own

I recently had a personal conversation with an acquaintance about how, even at this age, when someone insults you, it's not just one insult that hits you, but every insult you've ever received comes flooding back to knock you (mentally) on your ass. It can send you--or me, I should say--into deep depression. The same holds true for when you are yelled at. At one point growing up, my mom told me I had to stop being so sarcastic because I would lose all my friends. And so I did, kept some friends, still somehow managed to get the senior superlative of "most sarcastic" but I believe I really cut it down. Sarcasm, especially in raised, angry voices, and just yelling your opinion over mine, is really very bothersome. When you yell at me, the same thing happens. Every time I've been yelled at or bullied comes rushing back to me. However, instead of just depression, there is anger. Cold anger. Why do I deserve this? And now I have reconnected with an old friend and I feel the vicious cycle of manipulation starting all over again. I can't do this but I can't stop. WHY DO I DESERVE THIS? I just need to get all this off my chest. Almost all my relationships are CRAP. I have no love life, only guys who think it's a turn on to say "Hey baby let's fuck." Um, really? Douchebags. I have veeeeeery few friends whom I can confide in and only 1 really that I can tell ANYTHING to, and she's not often available, let alone available on her own. I need someone there for me. I feel like I'm still groping in the darkness, grasping for something to hold on to, something that will hold me back, something or someone to help pull me out of this hole and support me. I can't wait for Saturday when I jet out of here for a week and have no worries about who's around and who's not. Just me, (my parents), a beach, a nice tan, and a cold beer. On top of that I might find out about my promotion (or lack thereof) tomorrow, and I'm worried. I need this job and the benefits that come with it. Long story short: There's a lot of shitty people in my life, and I'm too afraid of what will be left, if anything, if I decide to clean house. Out here on my own...

Hmm

I'm feeling weird...like...out of body experience watching myself suffer with anxiety. I feel afraid of everything and everyone. This is a new development. Had to pop some k-pin. Depression-wise I'm doing just fine, but I'm worried I'm building to some kind of anxiety attack and I can't pinpoint what set it off. Work today definitely didn't help...damn when will that bitch stop being such an annoying, greedy, pompous and self-centered BITCH!? I'm going to try to sleep....another full shift tomorrow. OH and being uninsured just RULES when you're worried of having an anxious/psychotic breakdown. Basically I'm shit outta luck. FUCKED.