Saturday, November 26, 2011
Mmm Bop
I just want to say that, as of posting this, I can't believe this page has been viewed 1336 times. Come on people, get a life! Noooo don't this is what feeds my self-esteem...hahaha
Hey Vicky what's up?
I'm feeling better by the day, just really tired...wonder if that's a side effect to something. Oh well, I see the doctor in less than a week, so I'm going to discuss my meds and hoping we can get rid of some and still keep me sane...I'm sick of taking soooo many meds every day.
Thanksgiving was a big success if you ask me. I missed Jim and Vicky lots but at least my out-of-their-minds cousins kept me occupied and laughing. So glad I was out of the hospital for that day!
Having second Thanksgiving tonight...party on! Basically it's just everything reheated but it is reheated DELICIOUSNESS.
I think this is my first positive post in a long time...as we discovered in the hospital (and by we I mean myself and my favorite counselor), the reason I stay so depressed and angsty and difficult all the time is because it's just easier. Getting to a better state of mind and making myself positive is hard work, and I was just too lazy to work on myself. So I started with the principle of "fake it til you make it," and I genuinely think I'm in a better place. I still have some irritability issues, but I'm hoping this new DBT program with help. I was told I've gotten as much out of CBT as I could, and that DBT would teach me how to really change my outlook on life and live a much fuller, gracious life. I hope so! They have a therapist open there but the group is full for at least a month, but hopefully I can see both my therapist and the new one in Elmhurst.
I really want these new coping skills so I can learn how to deal with the one-year anniversary of the trauma last New Year's. I don't want to end up back in the hospital...however, if it is where I feel safe, then I will go. Maybe only a week or less deal. I can be strong but I can also realize when I need help and a safety net, and I think that is very strong. Not a set-back, just some maintenance and a place to keep myself safe. But hopefully I won't need it.
Anyhow, I'm exhausted so I'm going to take a little napparoo.
Stay classy, San Diego.
Thanksgiving was a big success if you ask me. I missed Jim and Vicky lots but at least my out-of-their-minds cousins kept me occupied and laughing. So glad I was out of the hospital for that day!
Having second Thanksgiving tonight...party on! Basically it's just everything reheated but it is reheated DELICIOUSNESS.
I think this is my first positive post in a long time...as we discovered in the hospital (and by we I mean myself and my favorite counselor), the reason I stay so depressed and angsty and difficult all the time is because it's just easier. Getting to a better state of mind and making myself positive is hard work, and I was just too lazy to work on myself. So I started with the principle of "fake it til you make it," and I genuinely think I'm in a better place. I still have some irritability issues, but I'm hoping this new DBT program with help. I was told I've gotten as much out of CBT as I could, and that DBT would teach me how to really change my outlook on life and live a much fuller, gracious life. I hope so! They have a therapist open there but the group is full for at least a month, but hopefully I can see both my therapist and the new one in Elmhurst.
I really want these new coping skills so I can learn how to deal with the one-year anniversary of the trauma last New Year's. I don't want to end up back in the hospital...however, if it is where I feel safe, then I will go. Maybe only a week or less deal. I can be strong but I can also realize when I need help and a safety net, and I think that is very strong. Not a set-back, just some maintenance and a place to keep myself safe. But hopefully I won't need it.
Anyhow, I'm exhausted so I'm going to take a little napparoo.
Stay classy, San Diego.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Hullerrrrr
Short again, very tired. Old scars right next to healing wounds. I smell a metaphor. Or a poem. Or a metaphore within a poem. Or a Papa Roach song.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Hops
Out of the hospital. Again. 16 days this time. Hoping I don't end up back there for New Years. Cried at dinner...want to go back.
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