Out here, on my own

I recently had a personal conversation with an acquaintance about how, even at this age, when someone insults you, it's not just one insult that hits you, but every insult you've ever received comes flooding back to knock you (mentally) on your ass. It can send you--or me, I should say--into deep depression. The same holds true for when you are yelled at. At one point growing up, my mom told me I had to stop being so sarcastic because I would lose all my friends. And so I did, kept some friends, still somehow managed to get the senior superlative of "most sarcastic" but I believe I really cut it down. Sarcasm, especially in raised, angry voices, and just yelling your opinion over mine, is really very bothersome. When you yell at me, the same thing happens. Every time I've been yelled at or bullied comes rushing back to me. However, instead of just depression, there is anger. Cold anger. Why do I deserve this? And now I have reconnected with an old friend and I feel the vicious cycle of manipulation starting all over again. I can't do this but I can't stop. WHY DO I DESERVE THIS? I just need to get all this off my chest. Almost all my relationships are CRAP. I have no love life, only guys who think it's a turn on to say "Hey baby let's fuck." Um, really? Douchebags. I have veeeeeery few friends whom I can confide in and only 1 really that I can tell ANYTHING to, and she's not often available, let alone available on her own. I need someone there for me. I feel like I'm still groping in the darkness, grasping for something to hold on to, something that will hold me back, something or someone to help pull me out of this hole and support me. I can't wait for Saturday when I jet out of here for a week and have no worries about who's around and who's not. Just me, (my parents), a beach, a nice tan, and a cold beer. On top of that I might find out about my promotion (or lack thereof) tomorrow, and I'm worried. I need this job and the benefits that come with it. Long story short: There's a lot of shitty people in my life, and I'm too afraid of what will be left, if anything, if I decide to clean house. Out here on my own...