Damn you, Guys and Dolls.
Anyway. Sometimes I wish my parents could sit in on the patient NAMI meetings, so they can stop thinking I'm the only one in the world who gets depressed, sleeps til 2, has a lot of trouble getting shit done, is in denial about declaring disability...and maybe they would stop thinking I'm such a horrible daughter and stop being all shouty and passive aggressive. Yeah, I noticed the lights were off when I got home. I wish my dad would get off his ass after his entire day of doing NOTHING and get to NAMI parent-to-parent meetings. I wish they would leave me alone because this whole tough love thing? NOT WORKING. Makes me more depressed, makes me want to isolate. "Use your PHP binder and use those coping skills." Yeah? Yet again we're under the delusion that a few weeks in a hospital program should have cured me? I'm under so much stress and I can't talk to them about it because my dad doesn't give a shit and just shouts non stop, and my mom just gets pissy and in the "I don't care what you do" or "You only have today to clean the kitchen table" attitude and I can't handle this shit. I'm just going to save ALL of my paychecks until I can move out. Because guess what, parentals, in Nami there are 40+ year olds living with their parents, because they CAN'T move out. Keep adding to the mountain of shit on my back and I'll become one of them. I'm looking at cheap 1-bedrooms. I don't care what neighborhood as long as it's close to work, where I got passed over for the full time position that opened up because, ironically, I WAS IN TREATMENT SO I COULD MAKE A SUCCESSFUL RETURN TO WORK.
I'm very angry, hurt, depressed. I just want to isolate and cry. They don't understand and they never will. I feel like instead of learning how to HELP me, they're just trying to learn how to DEAL with me. Like I'm a pest they have to get used to. Screw that. I'm moving out as soon as shit is in order. Then have fun with your "happy" marriage.
I hope you're happy. I'm crying again. Go yell at me some more.
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