Imagine all the people, living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. Ahh I love my John Lennon poster right next to my bed :)

I've gotta stop being so tired all the time. Dear body: grow up. We've been out of college for years now, we can't stay on that sleep rhythm. Sincerely, the one who has to be awake.

PHP ended on a rather heavy note today. How can you be valued if you don't value yourself? How can you be loved if you don't love yourself? These thoughts trigger much depression and hopelessness in me. It would be nice to be told I'm valued or loved more often, but how long until I start believing in it? Believing in me? There's got to be some kind of higher purpose for being cursed with this. I wish I knew how normal people lived. How they can love themselves with no issue.

I also had a coffee date with Michelle today. Brought up an interesting point...I was talking about how my dreams of a happy marriage have been pretty much obliterated by this illness and how I'm just now becoming reluctant about my desire to have kids because I don't want to pass this on...no one should have to go through this, and if I'm responsible for MAKING someone go through it, let alone someone who is MY child, I couldn't live with myself. I'll have to ask my mom what you do when your child tells you they want to kill herself. I commend her strength through all my ridiculousness.

I've been getting irritable again...something's up, and I can't pinpoint exactly what it is. It's like depression and hypomania mixed together....I can't figure it out.

Also, Charlie Sheen is OUT OF HIS MIND. Makes me feel better about myself. I hope he finds help. And not through scientology.

Let's sum up this post with: wtf?

Comment on my blog people. make me feel loved.