Never gonna get it never gonna get it

So distracted!  My computer is dead.  Piece of shit.  SO I'm sharing the family computer for the first time in...9 years?  And of course the TV is on behind me.  I'm trying to focus on what I want to write. 
So!
December 17th, I hit 3 months self-harm free!  And I don't know how long it's been since I purged but it's been a while!  The ED is still there, of course, just acting in different ways.  And the numbers are just fantastic, which is just spurring the whole thing on.  I know it's bad and wrong and fucked up but I can't stop now. And I know some jerk from TK (mark) would probably say Can't, or won't?  Can it be both?  The both/and?  The dialectic?  Bahaha throwing TKisms right back at you SUCK IT.

Anyway.  OKCupid is going pretty well.  It's entertaining, at least.  I've found a few winners amidst the crazies and dirty old men asking me to be a part of their threesome.  Yeah...4 times.  Oh and also my high school douche of a boyfriend, who rated me 5 stars!  Hahaha loser.  But yes I've found a couple promising new friends.  I talked to one of them last night for over 2 hours, we even talked about mental illness, it was pretty cool.  I've only talked to him a couple times though, so I don't plan on running off to meet him anytime soon.  So calm down.  Apparently I have amazing eyes.  Thanks genetics!

So, it's my birthweek.  This week is always frustrating...I'm really frustrated this year, I think, because I'm this brand new person who has tossed codependency in the trash, and yet I'm still really pissed off about the fact the people STILL ignore my birthday.  Yeah, I get to do dinner with my parents, Jim and Vicky, which is always awesome (hibachiiii!).  I only kept 2 of my friends from the past around, and they're both basically ignoring me.  I'm really not going borderline crazy here.  There's no reason why they need to be ignoring my calls/texts/messages, and for one of them it's been a month.  Although this has happened in the past...maybe I was just setting myself up for reenactment.  BIG SIGH.

I wish I could really sigh, but my lungs are all seized up with anxiety again.  I can't tell what I'm anxious about.  The timing, yes.  Probably because I have therapy tomorrow.  I don't know.  2 nights ago I actually slept without nightmares, or at least without remembering any.  It was delicious.
Tomorrow will be an absolutely action-packed day off: Laundry, DMV, and therapy.  At least I get to go to the library.  I need books.

I also have to move myself back into my room from the basement :(((((

Here's to hoping your day will be better than mine!  Cheers.

 

I FUCKING LOVE GRUMPY CAT