Yeah I've been listening to Todd Tuesday.
Today, I drove Darby to the airport. I'm not okay with this. It was really hard to enjoy Easter, even with the great mass this morning and the great dinner this evening, even though Jim and Vicky brought Laika the rocket puppy. Right when I pulled away from the airport I started sobbing, and definitely got some weird looks from other drivers on Cicero/55. All day I was just sad. It felt like my insides were gone, like I was just hollow, feeling this incredible void where my heart should be. Now, however, I'm panicking. I'm grateful I found some old valium/klonopin. Now my insides are back, they just feel like they're made of concrete and weigh 200lbs. I can't describe the pain in my heart. It's like it's simultaneously pounding against my ribs and being ripped apart. I've never been as close to anyone as I am to her; never let anyone in as much as I let her. Whenever I needed someone, she was there. She knows my triggers, my symptoms, and the skills that help me most. With her on the other end of the country now, I'm panicking.
I just realized I'm making it sound like she died. That's not good. I just don't know how long it'll take for me to adjust to this.
I'm done. I can't focus on anything else right now, so this is all.
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